The Vale of Tears

Experiencing Growth through loss

References

Vale of Tears – References

Set out below are all the web references that have been referred to in the chapter endnotes in Robert Weston’s book ‘The Vale of Tears’. As many web addresses are very long, we have collated and linked them here for easier access

Chapter 1
The Valley of the Shadow
Endnote 5: An elderly couple returning home from the mission field, seemingly un-welcomed and unappreciated. But God reassures them that their work is significant in His eyes, telling them that the best is yet to come.

Chapter 2
Facing the Reality of Grief
Endnote 25: Tolstoy wrote a very similar piece called “Papa Panov’s Special Christmas.”

Chapter 4
Minimizing Grief’s Desolation
Endnote 3: See also my article on weariness – Isaiah 40
Endnote 7: Teaching series on the seven churches in the book of Revelation. These are all pdf files.
Jesus, Lord of all
Ephesus
Smyrna
Pergamum and Thyatira
Sardis
Philadelphia
Laodicea
Endnote 12: Marriage
Endnote 25: I have written in more detail on the purpose that God has in allowing these dark times to come our way. See Intimacy and Eternity – the dark night of the soul

Chapter 5
Strategies for Resolving Grief
Endnote 6: Intimacy and Eternity – towards a life of reflection
Endnote 10: You may find Louise de Salvo’s Writing as a Means of Healing (Women’s Press) and my own Craft of Writing helpful.
Endnote 12: Managing Grief through Journal Writing.

Chapter 6
Fallout from Grief
Endnote 1: Tony Cooke provides a concise overview on what to say, and what to refrain from saying at funerals. See Funeral resources and Do’s and Don’ts for details.
Endnote 7:For an article that highlights the grief that grandparents experience.
Endnote 9: See my article Dealing with Disappointment
Endnote 16: see photogalleries
Endnote 20: John Paul Jackson’s Unmasking the Jezebel Spirit (Kingsway) reveals important spiritual dynamics that may be at work in such situations. See our web site for a detailed book review.
Endnote 21: I would like to recommend Tom Marshall’s excellent book Understanding Leadership, Sovereign World. You may also find my publication ‘Out Front’ helpful.

Chapter 7
Lending our Strength
Endnote 2: See my article ‘What do you say when people ask you how you are?’
Endnote 6: An introduction to reflective listening and listening
Endnote 8: article on hypocrisy (to come)

Chapter 8
If Grief Takes Convoluted Paths
Endnote 3: Pain-prone personalities and the personality of chronic pain
Endnote 10: Although we should not attribute ultimate authority to testimonies regarding death bed experiences, John Burke has written up the stories of dozens of people who have had NDEs Near-death Experiences. This You tube is well worth watching – as is his book Imagine Heaven.
Endnote 20: hypocrisy article #### not been written####

Chapter 9
The Wider Picture
Endnote 2: ‘The Effects of remote, retroactive, intercessory prayer on outcomes in patients with bloodstream infection: randomised controlled trial’
Endnote11: This is a link to the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of South Africa. ‘The Truth shall set you free.’
Endnote 15: Teaching on the seven churches in Revelation.
Jesus, Lord of all
Ephesus
Smyrna
Pergamum and Thyatira
Sardis
Philadelphia
Laodicea
Endnote 16: Tower of Strength prayer.
Endnote 21: http://users.erols.com/mwhite28/warstat2.htm
Endnote 28: Ruth Fazell has created a moving oratorio out of poems written by child survivors of the concentration camp at Terezín (formerly known as Theresienstadt). In 1941, the Nazi’s converted this small town (which lies to the northwest of Prague) into a transit concentration camp for Jews.

To the outside world, Terezín was presented as a ‘model Jewish settlement’ – a resort-like atmosphere with stores, café, bank, kindergarten, school, and flower gardens. In reality, Terezín was an overcrowded way station for the death camps, to which the transports would come to take adults and children alike to the gas chambers of Auschwitz. Many died in Terezin itself, as a result of the horrendous overcrowding.

Many of the prisoners were musicians, writers, poets, artists and intellectuals. Even in the midst of such depravity, they and their children turned to art to transcend their pain. While regular schooling was prohibited, classes were held clandestinely and the 15,000 Jewish children, who were at one time or another held captive in Terezín, were encouraged to paint and write. Of those 15,000, only about 100 survived. You can hear Ruth Fazell’s oratorio here.
Endnote 33 Intimacy and Eternity

Appendix 2
Endnote 1: Wikipedia/perfectionism
Endnote 2: Perfectionism
Endnote 5: A Pilgrim’s Guide to overcoming Shame

Appendix 3
Endnote 2: For further details about these practical arrangements, see this link.

P Perfectionism
R Repression
A Addictions
I Identification and Idolatry
S Shame and Suppression
E Extremes

C Compensation
A Avoidance
R Rationalisation
T Tensions (The Neurosis of Grief )
S Substitution and Sublimination

Appendix Three: Important Considerations
Living Wills
Living Compliments

Appendix Four: Antidotes to Grief

Appendix Five: Final Poems and Prayers

Commendations

Having experienced the inexplicable nocturnal death of our eleven year old son, we can personally attest to the accuracy of Robert’s explanations, the Holy Spirit’s anointing on his prayers, and the authority of his life-giving council. This important book will help you in and through grief and, beyond any other resource we are aware of, will prepare you to minister to others. Thanks, Robert, for an exceptionally hard job extremely well done.

Paul and Gretel Haglin,
(Resurrection Christian Ministries)

Robert shines warm light on the difficult and dark experience of loss – which can affect any one of us at any time. Liberally peppering his compassionate writing with vivid illustrations, quotes and moving stories – many from his own journey – he provides us with deep understanding of what is happening, as well as pointing us towards strategies for finding “treasures” in the darkness.

As he says, “this book is all about preparing our hearts for times when it feels as though the bottom has fallen out of the world.” Robert helps us equally to come sensitively alongside others in their loss, to help them cast their burden on the Lord.

Rather than ploughing on relentlessly, Robert invites the reader to pause frequently and reflect. To this end he has provided a series of succinct yet striking prayers. Apart from the Bible, which Robert frequently quotes and illuminates, I can think of no better book to help turn loss and grief into the growth experience God intends.

Mike Field,
(Jersey Evangelical Alliance)

Grief is like a rocky valley with sharp dark sides. This comprehensive introduction to the grief journey offers the grieving – and those who travel with them – wise and compassionate insight into widely differing kinds of loss. Robert examines the threats that loss poses in the Valley of the Shadow, and shows us how we can find healing and wholeness, eventually emerging into green refreshing pastures.

Revd. David Woodhouse,
(Editor, “Trauma and Abuse”)

When do we learn to drive? Is it before we own a car, in anticipation of owning one soon? Or is it after we have bought a car that we decide it might be a good idea to learn how to drive it? We might ask the same question about grief. Do we learn about grief and the process of grieving before or after encountering it – either in our own life, or in the life of a friend or relative?

Robert’s book makes the sensible assumption that it is better to prepare ourselves beforehand for what will inevitably come our way in the course of life. Unlike many books on grief, he does not just deal with bereavement, but considers grief that is caused by all sorts of other events: loss of friends or job, loss of vision, or ambition, divorce or retirement and so on.

In the practical and Biblically-based way that has typified his earlier books, Robert writes about the emotional and spiritual forces involved in the grief process. Whether you are suffering yourself, or anticipate consoling others, his wisdom, experience and examples offer insight, foresight and perspectives that cannot fail to prepare you.

Even in the midst of grief it is not too late to read this book. The many themes that Robert explores will enable you to home in on just what you are experiencing to provide the help you need most. There are no quick fixes to grief, let alone any easy triumphalism, but Robert shows us that it is possible to advance along the grief journey courageously, and to avoid many of the pitfalls on it. I commend it.

David Barratt,
(Author of “C. S. Lewis and his World”)

May I say how impressed I am by your ability to pull together so many thoughts, quotes and stories, as well as research? Your heart, combined with your wisdom and long ministry experience is a stunning combination. This book is going to actively minister to many!

Laurie Klein,
(Author, and composer of the song “I love you Lord”)

Acknowledgements

Rather as bees gather nectar from many flowers, I have benefited from the input of many friends and publications during the demanding process of completing this book. I would particularly like to thank Sally Mowbray for walking this journey with me from the beginning. You have provided valuable spiritual insight, as well as showing enormous patience in helping to edit the numerous drafts of this book.
Laurie Klein – your perceptive suggestions have greatly helped to shape the text, drawing on your experience both as a writer and as one who has received help with past abuse.
As surely as I am grateful to King David for the many biblical quotes I have incorporated, I would also like to thank two other Davids: David Barratt, for your clarity in suggesting structural changes during an early drafts, and David Woodhouse, for your contributions from your many years of ministry in this field.
Linda Louisa – your insights into the grief process are life-proven and poignant. It is always a joy to work with you.
Thanks to you, Dad, for once again coming up with many timely suggestions, not to mention essential help with the formatting. Rona Scott – for the anecdotes you have contributed;
Mike Field – for your help with proofreading; Peter and Mac Tompsett and Jane Carmichael – for reading the manuscript through; Tony and Brid Browne – for allowing me to reproduce several of your daughter’s poems. Alison wrote her moving poems, knowing that she did not have long to live.
Special thanks too to Elisabeth Harding for reading the manuscript through several times. Your long involvement in caring for the grieving, as well as your literary experience in your editorial capacity with New Wine Ministries, combined to make your comments sharp and perceptive. Each of you have blessed me with your thoughtful suggestions.
I dedicate this labour of love above all to Rosalind, who has walked with me through many griefs as well as joys during the twenty five years that I have had the privilege of being married to her.
Robert Weston © 2008 Canterbury

The Vale of Tears

Vale of Tears – References

PART ONE: The Valley of the Shadow

PART TWO: Facing the Reality of Grief

PART THREE: Approaching the Final Transition

PART FOUR: Minimizing Grief’s Desolation

PART FIVE: Strategies For Resolving Grief

PART SIX: Fallout from Grief

PART SEVEN: Lending Our Strength

PART EIGHT: If Grief takes Convoluted Paths

PART NINE: The Wider Picture

APPENDICES

Commendations

Acknowledgements