Vale of Tears

Who suffers most in the Aftermath of Loss?



Who Suffers most in the Aftermath of Loss?

Marriage is a long conversation that is never quite long enough.

If I were to ask you who suffers most intensely in the aftermath of loss, you might be inclined to assume it would be people who in life were known for being inseparable from their loved ones. After all, they are the ones with whom they long shared their deepest experiences, and on whom they were most dependent.

Immense beyond words though the loss of our closest confidant undoubtedly is, those who endured a conflict-ridden relationship often suffer still more, the fact that there is no time left to put things right (or to develop better memories) making the grief process still harder to bear.

Guilt-laden relationships leave a most uncomfortable legacy behind them. When the person who has died, (or separated themselves from us), typically only bestowed love and praise on us grudgingly, they may well have been misusing these intrinsically godly qualities to maintain power and control over us.4

If anyone had challenged such people for their lack of emotional generosity, they would doubtless have been quick to deny that they were doing anything wrong – or to claim that they only spoke and acted like that “for the other person’s good.” The Lord hates it when we use strong words and attitudes to belittle and depersonalise each other in such ways. It is profoundly unloving and un-Christ like.

All of us need to be careful on this point, lest we find the Lord having to go to extreme lengths to set His beloved children free from unfair impositions that we (or others) place upon them.

Reflect and Pray

You, O God,
see trouble and grief;
You consider it
to take it in hand.
The victim commits himself to You.
Psalm 10:14

Lord, in Your name,
I resist and throw off all attempts
to straitjacket and control my life.

Forgive me, too,
whenever I make unfair demands on others,
or withhold love and care.

Grant me the insight and the opportunity
to put as many matters right as possible.

Refit and re-equip me for the next stage of life.

In the name of Jesus,
Who alone is perfect freedom, Amen.