Vale of TearsWho suffers most in the Aftermath of Loss?
Who Suffers most in the Aftermath of Loss?
Marriage is a long conversation that is never quite long enough.
If I were to ask you who suffers most in the aftermath of loss, you might be inclined to assume it would be people who were inseparable in life from their loved ones. After all, is it not those with whom we share our deepest experiences, and on whom we are most dependent, that we miss the most?
Immense beyond words though the loss of our closest confidant undoubtedly is, those who have endured a conflict ridden relationship often suffer still more. The fact that there is no time left to put things right, or to develop better memories makes the grief process still harder to bear.
It is important to understand the legacy that guilt-laden relationships leave behind them. When the person who has died, or separated themselves from us, only bestowed love and praise grudgingly, they may well have been misusing these intrinsically godly qualities to maintain power and control over other people.4
If challenged, they would doubtless have been quick to deny that they were doing anything wrong – or to claim that they were only doing it “for the other person’s good.”
The fact remains, however, that their entire way of relating was profoundly unloving and un-Christ like. The Lord hates it when we use power to belittle and depersonalise each other.
All of us need to be careful on this point, lest He has to go to extreme lengths to set His beloved children free from such unfair impositions.
Reflect and Pray
You, O God,
see trouble and grief;
You consider it
to take it in hand.
The victim commits himself to You.
Lord, in Your name,
I resist and throw off all attempts
to straitjacket and control my life.
Forgive me, too,
whenever I make unfair demands on others,
or withhold love and care.
Grant me the insight and the opportunity
to put as many matters right as possible.
Refit and re-equip me for the next stage of life.
In the name of Jesus,
Who alone is perfect freedom, Amen.