Kerry’s kolumn

Apr 27, 2018 | Kerry's Kolumn

Retrieve your inner STILL NESS with the help of a retriever

Hello, I was a bit worried that you might have forgotton about me, so I wanted to right and let you no that I am doing okay despite the highly unpreDogtable whether we had earlier this win-ter. I’m a bit old these days, and probably wouldnt want to run a race against a cheater – being what they are cheaters would probably rig the result anyway. A lot of famous people indisPutinably seem to be doing that these days.

Life toggles between bizzy-bizzy when Dom’s friends all come swirling round when he is home which is really nice, but we love it wen they have all gone and it is nice and kwiet again. It’s hard to keep up with all the cumings and the goings. I find the big numbers (the ones over one that is) kwite confusing – but that’s because I was never taught any Jometry, Algernon or Tigger Nometry at skool. I think our lessons were more along the lines of making sure we got to our bowls of food in time to eat the larger harf.

The kold winds this win-ter meant shorter walks, boooo! They also made Dad’s brown chitis worse. He kept eating coff sweets and saying that they were sugar free. Not that that interests us; he never gives us any sugar to eat. Mind you if he did, I’d probably be able to run faster than a cheater.

All the time that Mum and Dom were down under in Os-stray-lea I was very blessed to have my brother at my side. He’s called Kelsie and we praktice kontouring up together most of the day; we’re always finding new ways to be close.

Despite all the cold winds that ruffle our fur, may you be blessed in handling – or at least pawderling – any Tenshun you may be feeling. If you suffer Tenshun, I rekkomend from you get a dog; we give humans lots of comforting oxyacetylene every time you come near us. I think that’s how you spel it anyway – its the stuff that makes you feel good about life anyway. Except that I seem to remember dad saying it has a toe in it. Most peculiar. Oh I  remember. Oxy-toe-sin. In a sigh-en-tific study – Cats versus dogs – it was shown conkloosively that we K9s give 54% of the love hore-moan – cats can only manage 12%. That proves it. Dogs rule and cats drool. Everywon agree?

Dad says I am a modle example for people who want to lern to relax. It’s simple. Lie comfortably on your back, breethe nice and deeplee, put all four paws up in the air, fold them over nicely at the top, and listen out for anything the Lord might have to say to ewe. He’ll have lots to say to you apart from telling you off for eating Dad’s slippers.

Really important things like how to cope with a kranky owner. (They really do love us though!)

Here’s hoping you’ll soon be picking up lots of kanine kontemplative kontentment. That’s me all over! Stay close to the Lord and to those you like to snuggle up with. Don’t forget: wrap your tail round your nose and put all four paws in the air. Do feel free to rite to me if you need any tips . . . I hope ewe like my new strap line: Retrieve your inner STILL NESS with the help of a retriever.

With our love, Kerry and Kelsey, who likes leaving his paw prints on everything.

Big doggy xx



  1. Robin Lloyd

    well Kerrie , wot kan i say, having redd yor few komments; Iam of kors in kompleet agreement with yu regarding inner tenshions; and I lie down( with paws raised) before yore experience of the xtra years of handling various masters of no doubt varying disciplines; I am also able to confirm the paws in the air solution to most of my masters gyro- teknikks which kwite often leave me tail twitchinglingly be-wildered.
    Of kors i take komfort in knowing that our Lord allows us all types of excentrik masters & has therefore allowed us the freeddom of a whole life… to understand them better.
    here`s hoping that your next meal time will be blessed (& remembered).
    — from another long suffering, but much bles
    sed 4 legged fellowshipper– Mole

  2. Laurie Klein, Scribe

    Love the new strap line! 🙂 Our elderly lab conFurs.

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